Memories of the Heart
by Caitlinxz
Summary: Memories close yet far away, memories obtained then forgotten, memories created then destroyed. Deep inside his heart lies every tainted memory created between them. RikuxSora, AxelxRoxas *optional*, Lemons, Yaoi


**AU: Well I really don't have much to say about this story, just that I have a pretty big plot line planned out for it. First Kingdom Heart story so be gentle please. I really wanted to post this quickly so I rushed the ending and that's why it's so crappy. Anyways, next chapter should be coming soon. In a week or two. Enjoy~**

**Warning: Yaoi (boyxboy), cursing, RikuxSora, and a new character. :) Also, may be a bit confusing, but I promise it will clear up eventually. And also, anyone want this to be part AxelxRoxas? Cause I'm wondering wheather or not to involve them in the plot line, because both are possible. Just please let me know if you might like AxelxRoxas as a side pairing with a part in the plot line in this story.**

**Disclaimer: Would I be typing up a pathetic story on fanfiction if I owned KH? Noo, I would be converting the world to yaoilicious goodness.**

**--**

"Do you remember this place, Riku?" Sora asked, and he pulled at the black coat sleeve. They moved through the rustling branches and leaves. Slowly, they reached a cave like place, with navy gray bumpy walls. The walls were now covered in childish pictures all over, and there was light shining through the trees.

"Riku, does this place look familiar? It's our secret place," Sora muttered the last part, looking down at his shoes. Slowly, he let go of Riku's cloth, letting his hand fall down. Riku blinked, and he brought his hand slowly back to his side, and Sora sighed as he looked at the cave again. _Their_ cave.

"You don't remember, do you?" Sora said in defeat after a moment of silence, and curled his hand tightly by his side. From the corner of his side he saw the empty shell of his best friend walk by his side, and he saw him shake his head. Sora looked up at him with watery eyes, than shook his head, and he let the sting behind his eyes past.

Abruptly, after a moment of complete stillness and silence, Riku walked up to the cave wall. Sora watched in new found hope as his companion's hand traced a picture of a Paopu fruit with his finger, than he let his hand wander towards the other child like drawings.

Riku felt the cave under his hand, felt the rough bumps and smoothness of the wall, but he also felt this vague warmness when he traced certain pictures, warmness that stung his head with the promise of throbbing.

"Riku...are you remembering something?" Sora whispered, hope shining through his voice, and tugged at Riku's coat. Maybe...just maybe...**.** His hopes were crushed slowly when Riku stared at the wall blankly before shaking his head. Sora sighed, frowning as his hand unclenched, dropping back to his side.

Riku turned his head to stare at him, his face solemn, before turning his eyes back to the wall. His heart remembered, but his mind...his mind couldn't. Just couldn't. But he knew that he had a connection with the 'Secret place', even if it was vague.

"We should go...Kairi and the other's are waiting," Sora whispered, and he was already walking away before the grey haired boy could respond. Riku's eyes lingered on the wall for a moment, before turning his body around and following the silent trail behind Sora.

--

_ "Riku!" Sora shouted, running through the alley way of 'The World That Never Was'. He smiled a pure, genuine smile, and rushed over to his best friend, covered in that black coat. Sora ignored that for the moment, and abruptly stopped in front of his best friend._

_"It's really you," Sora whispered, feeling the tears of happiness begin to blur his eyes. He heard Donald and Goofy rush behind him, but didn't care, because he was currently crushing Riku to his chest in a huge hug. Sora smiled. He had finally found him._

_"He's so touchy," a voice giggled out, causing Sora to abruptly pull back, about to turn around to see who said it when he saw the cold stare on the blank face of Riku. Something was wrong...terribly wrong, Sora could feel it. Riku looked too...cold._

_"Riku...what's wrong?" Sora asked, moving back, and he heard the heavy breathing of Donald and Goofy beside him, with them finally catching up with the Sora. But he didn't care. Not at the moment._

_Riku looked blankly at him, but for a strange reason he saw a flash of sadness pass through his eyes, but Riku didn't seem to realize it. His heart clenched. Why was Riku just sitting there, after all the searching Sora went through...__**.**__ And if Riku was free from the darkness...so why was he acting so...different?  
_

_"So rude, Riku. Not even a hello for your little friend here?" the voice said again, laughing darkly. Sora pried his gaze away from his best friend to see the person who was leaning against the alley wall, another person clad in that black coat. The person's face was shadowed, Sora barely being to make out a little smile on her lips. Was...was she from the organization? Sora readied his fighting instincts as he heard another cold laugh from her. He was about to summon his key blade when four words from Riku stopped his blood cold, made his heart stop beating for a moment, and his brain to freeze._

_"He's not my friend."_

_Sora jerked his head back to Riku, frozen. Everything stilled as Sora tried to find the meaning behind his words._

_"What...We...But you're my best friend!" Sora cried out, taking a step closer to Riku, only to have him step back with a shake of his head._

_"I've never met you before," Riku said blankly, and the girl beside him laughed even more coldly. He vaguely heard Donald and Goofy gasp in shock, but all he could hear was Riku's word repeating in his head._

_"How could you say that Riku! Is it the darkness? Did it come back?" Sora asked in desperation, his voice beginning to shake. It couldn't be...Riku couldn't have...__**.**_

_The teen's face scrunched up in confusion._

_"What darkness?" Sora shook his head, his eyes beginning to tear up._

_"If you're joking Riku, you're taking it to-"_

_"He's not joking," the voice interrupted, this time it carried seriousness, though coldness still ran through it like ice. Sora turned his head back to the person, to see her sigh. Sora tried to ignore her, and turned his attention back on his friend._

_"Riku, stop playing around. We need to go back to the island. Back to everyone. We need-"_

_"Stop it, you'll just confuse him. He really doesn't know what you're talking about," she whispered, and walked up to Sora, who shrinked back at the advancement, and stopped right beside Riku. He was about to summon his blade when she pulled back her hood, and he stared into those oh so familiar aquamarine eyes._

_Sora stepped back, his hand that lifted to prepare for attack fell back, and his mouth opened and closed in disbelieving shock. The figure smiled, and her aqua green eyes glimmered._

_  
"Why do you look like Riku?" Sora whispered, trying to calm his composure. The girl was dressed in the same black coat, and her spiked down silver hair was tied in a loose side pony tail that dropped at her shoulders. Her features, her eyes, her hair, everything was so similar to Riku._

_"Why? Well, that's a pretty long story," the clone whispered, a tiny smile tainting her pale face. "Right now, I would be worried about your friend here." Sora turned his attention back to Riku, who looked between them in mild interest._

_"What did you do to him?" Sora hissed, looking back and forth between the pair. "Why doesn't he-"_

_"Remember?" she cut off with a tiny smile. "He lost his memory," she said abruptly, emotionlessly, and Sora's frustrated tears stopped rolling down his face. Sora looked back at Riku in disbelief, hoping to see him deny it, only to see him unaltered by the information. He merely blinked at Sora, but there was still a light pool of sadness in his eyes that he probably didn't even know was there._

_"Lost his...How?" Sora whispered, still not letting his mind believe the situation. The tears began running down his cheeks, and he heard Donald gasp. Riku...He couldn't have...He just couldn't._

_"Let's just say someone erased it. The details are better left for another time, but it's true. Riku can't remember anything except for the last ten minutes in this alley way." Sora sobbed a little in his throat, because as much as he wanted to believe it wasn't true, that Riku didn't forgot about him and all their memories together, he somehow found himself that he couldn't deny the look on Riku's face, the words flowing out of his replica._

_Sora, his body moving by itself, was kneeling in front of Riku, sobbing. He couldn't help it, even though later on he knew he would chastise himself later for looking so weak but god damnit he __**was**__ weak, helpless, and most of all, hurt beyond repair._

_All their adventures, their secrets, and just the mere memories of them watching the sun set on the island, so innocent and joyful were gone in Riku's mind. It was almost unbearable. His mind unknowingly looked back at the memories they shared together, the memories that sadly, he would only remember._

_Sora choked out another sob, and his hands unconsciously went up to pull at Riku's sleeve in some weird gesture to see if everything was real or not._

_Riku didn't move, didn't speak, just stood there like a frozen statue, letting his eyes look down at the small, shaking form. Somewhere, he didn't know exactly where, stung in unbearable pain for an instant, and Riku flinched. What...What was that? But before he could think deeper into it, his distraction was brought back down to the kneeling boy, who was now chanting "Riku" softly. The pain spread._

_"Riku," Sora whispered again, and his shoulders shaked as the tears rolled slowly rolled down his cheeks._

_"Stop crying like that, Sora, you look like a child." Sora's head snapped up, the tears frozen in his eyes. Yes, Sora thought in new found happiness. So it wasn't true, Riku didn't--_

_"Don't get your hopes up," the girl said, and turned her attention back to Riku with a tiny frown. "He doesn't remember you, Sora, his mind can't remember a thing about you."_

_Sora shook his head, standing up, refusing to believe her. Riku had said his name, had scowlded him using the words only Riku would use on him. There had to be some misunderstanding._

_"He doesn't remember you Sora, look at him, and tell me if he looks like he remembers." Said boy turned his attention back to his friend, whose face was scrunched up in confusement. Riku opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it, like he forgot what to say. No, Sora thought, that doesn't look like a face that remembers me. Sora watched Riku's eyebrows furrow, and his hand tentavely reached out, and Sora froze._

_Riku's arm stayed there for a second, unsure what to do, before his hand touched Sora's tear stained cheeks, and rubbing the tears away tenderly with his thumb. Sora froze there in shock and Riku's hand fell back, his brows bunching up in confusion, like he didn't know what he did. He brought his hand back to his side, and Sora heard the girl laugh softly again._

_"If I had a heart I would find that sight endearing," she muttered, laughing at her own little joke. Sora turned his head back to her. Just as he thought, another nobody._

_"Why is a nobody with Riku?" Sora whispered, and again he stiffened himself, prepared for attack. Instead, she frowned slightly, and ran her hand through her hair._

_"A nobody, huh? Is that what they call us?" she asked, then sneaked a tiny smile. "How blunt."_

_Sora glared at her, lowering his guard, and turned back to Riku, who was now looking off into space. Sora frowned, and as much as he distrusted the nobody, he knew at the least something was wrong with Riku. So for the time being, he had to be patient, for Riku._

_"Please," Sora begged, curling his fist, which caused Riku to turn his attention back to him, staring at him blankly. "Just tell me what's wrong with Riku. Please." The nobody smiled tenderly at them, but Sora tried his best to remind himself that it wasn't because of care, nobody's couldn't care. But something about the smile made it hard to believe that it wasn't sincere._

_"I already told you, Sora, little Riku here forgot his precious memories. All of them. The memories of you, Kairi, King Micky, the islanders, Ansem and even the tiny memories with Xion and Roxas have faded. Poor guy," she whispered in mock sincerity, and turned her gaze back at Riku, who look a bit frustrated for some reason. Sora blinked in surpisement, wondering who some of those people on the list were, and there was nagging feeling in his brain, but put it in the back of his mind. He turned to glare at her, and she only smiled._

_"Than...Than why did he call me Sora? Why can't he remember? Why are you with him? Why-"_

_"Curiosity killed the cat, Sora. But I'll answer your questions from the goodness of my heart," she said, and ran her hands through the fabric of her coat, all of the sudden finding the stitching fascinating, like the situation had already lost its amusement._

_"You're a nobody, you have no heart. Now answer me." Sora bit his lip, and decided best to be patient with the girl, even though his insides were rampaging with hurt, impatientness, worry, and so much more emotions. "Please," Sora whispered, and let the desperateness flow out, finding no use in hiding it._

_"Well how could I say no when you used the magic word?" She smiled teasingly, before her face turned serious. "He called you Sora because his __**heart**__ remembers. But his mind can't, all those memories you two shared are gone in Riku's mind. But he will recognize a place or person if it's strong to him, like in this case you're close to him, so he remembers the simple things about you. Like the way you look, the way your voice sounds, and your name._

_"Why can't he remember? His memory was erased, let's leave it at that." Sora glared at her skeptically, but she smiled tenderly to cover up suspicion. "Hmm, why am I with him? Let's just say our paths crossed, and I couldn't just walk blindly passed him can I? Not with this face." Sora looked at her in a distance sadness, somehow knowing she's been threw a lot just by the remorse that filled the last line. But his main priority was still Riku, who looked at her in more blunt frustration. Sora watched him for a moment, saw his eyes flash with serval emotions at her words, watch him bite his lip like he was trying to remember something, watched his fist curl and uncurl. It filled Sora with agony, because he silently felt Riku's pain, the pain of not knowing._

_"Sora, what's going on?" Donald quacked out, and Sora tore his gaze away from the unknowingly pained Riku back to his other companions, who both wore worried looks. Sora tried to smile encouragingly, but by the look on the unconvinced look in their eyes his smile must've cracked._

_Goofy narrowed his eyes at him, but didn't say a word. Sora looked back and forth between the girl and Riku, feeling the sadness cling on him with dangerous intent. He sniffled quietly, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. God, he never felt so helpless, and just so damn hurt and miserable in his life._

_No, he thought, he couldn't let his mind stray in the dark. He had to be positive, think about the positives, talk about the positives. At least Riku wasn't injured, and at least they had found him at all, and Riku still remembered Sora, if only his name, and at least Riku didn't seem to know about the darkness, so that meant he was safe from it at the moment, and--_

_He was running out of ands._

_"Well, now that this little introduction is done, let's go home," the nobody said with a yawn, running her hand down her hair, interrupting Sora out of his inner rambling. The brunette turned to glare at her._

_Sora opened his mouth to object, but before he knew it the girl was already pulling Riku along with her down the alley, humming a low song to herself. Riku had followed obediently, but he glanced back at Sora with glimmering green eyes._

_"Wa-wait!" the cinnamon haired boy called out, and rushed past Donald and Goofy who gaped at his distancing back. So much for never leaving a friend behind._

--

"Sora! Riku!" Kairi called out, waving her hands through the air. She smiled as the figures became closer, but frowned when she saw the agonizing look on Sora's face, though he tried to hide it with a cracking smile.

"Hi Kairi," Sora answered when they reached her, though the cheerfulness in his voice broke. Kairi narrowed her eyes at him, opening her mouth to comment on his mood when _that_ girl interrupted her.

"My my, Sora, aren't you cheerful today. You're blinding me with your utter most happiness," she drawled sarcastically, a tiny smile painted on her lips. But no one believed it, not even Kairi, because that was all it was, painted on, holding no feelings underneath it.

"Than wear sun glasses," Sora snapped back, glaring at her. Ever since they came back to the island, the only thing the nobody did was drip sarcasm in the most serious, hurtful moments of Sora's life, and he was getting pretty damn tired of it.

"Feisty." With a huff, the nobody began walking in smooth, fast strides, and stopped right behind Riku. She whispered something, her face solemn, and Riku flinched before regaining his composure, fist curling. Sora furrowed his eyebrows, and turned his head back to watch the girl continue walking, a small smile on her lips.

When she was out of sight, Sora snapped his head back to Riku, who stared blankly at the setting sun, almost relishing in the nostalgic, beautiful sight.

"What...What did she say?" Sora whispered, and Riku pried his eyes away from the heartwarming sight to set his gaze on Sora, who was looking at him with those big, blue eyes. Also familiar, also heartwarming.

"Nothing of importance," Riku whispered back.

Kairi, who was oblivious to their exchange, chatted away about what Selphie did to her dress, what they were going to eat that afternoon, what she should wear the next day, and so much other mindless things Kairi thought up for small talk. Riku really couldn't care less, and was beginning to find her annoying, and something about her brought a sting in his chest, not like the one he got with Sora, because this one was one that felt _just_ like hatred, sweet sweet hatred. But Riku didn't see any reason why he should hate Kairi, so he put it into the back of his mind while Kairi yapped away, walking slowly, Riku and Sora following suit.

"AND she dropped paint on it! Can you believe that? Paint! The exact same purple one that Tidus has, but no, he says he never gave her any, and Selphie's acting like she's never even seen purple paint," Kairi exclaimed, making exaggerating hand movements. Sora inwardly sighed, his mind wandering off, and he unknowingly found himself staring at his best friend, who was gazing at the setting sun, hands in pockets, posture so casual like. He never realized how much he had missed seeing Riku just be Riku, casual and aloof, always spacing off with that face that seemed so mysterious, like you could never guess what he was thinking.

"Sora...Sora...Sora!" The brunette snapped out his thoughts, jerking his head to see Kairi, furrowing her eyebrows in concern. They were all ahead of him, with Sora unconsciously stopping to gaze at Riku, and they both around to stare at Sora in confusion.

"Huh? Oh-- sorry, spaced out for a second," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head with a forced on grin, eyes closed. Kairi seemed to buy it, and smiled softly before turning around and continuing her walk, talking away.

Sora rushed over to Riku's side, who was a good four feet away from the talking Kairi, and he was also staring at him curiously, his head turned to the side to gaze at Sora. The brunette blushed a little, feeling the heavy weight of the stare, and finally turned his head to look at Riku.

"Wh-What?" Sora stuttered out, unsure of what to make of the advancement, since Riku hadn't done much since getting back on the island, almost like he didn't want to be there. Well, she _did_ drag him...**.**

Riku's stare tightened, and his head tilted a little to the side. "Why were you watching me?" the silver haired guy asked bluntly, his eyebrows furrowing. Sora turned his gaze away, blushing slightly, before sighing. If the old Riku had caught him staring at him he would've snickered and teased him.

Sora's face scrunched up slightly, the promise of tears staining his eyes. He gulped, and forced the tears at bay, he refused to cry in front of his best friend anymore.

"It's just...I forgot how you looked like when you were thinking," Sora whispered, and Riku was barely able to hear it, but he made out the words nether less, and felt something inside him clench up, and it frustrated him to no end because he had no idea why. The emotions rushing through him, the stinging in his chest, he felt like even those feelings didn't belong to him. Everyone was bringing emotions out of him, emotions of hatred, recognisition, companionship, and another feeling, another feeling that was so strong it controlled his being, that feeling that he got anytime he stared into those beautiful blue eyes.

"What did I think about back then?" Riku whispered, making sure they were a good hearing distance away from Kairi, who was _still_ talking about her ruined dress.

Sora's head snapped up to look at Riku, to see he was serious, his face looking distance somewhat. The brunette smiled a little as he relished his past memories, his eyes glimmering with that far away look.

"I don't really know, you were so aloof, no one knew what you thought," Sora answered, turning his distant gaze back to Riku, who frowned at the information. Sora felt a vague pain flow threw him, and his lips curled down.

"You don't remember how you were like?" Sora whispered, and glanced back to make sure that Kairi was still occupied with her little story, and surely she was still talking to the air. When he turned his eyes back, Riku's face was solemn, pained, and distant all at the same time.

"I don't really remember," Riku muttered, half to himself half to Sora, and shoved his hands in his pockets. Everything felt so off to him, like his memory was just out his reach, yet it was still there, mocking him, teasing him, and close enough to bring pain inside his heart. And Sora, he realized, was the main source of his frustration, because there was an undeniable nostalgic feel about him, along with so many other emotions that had Riku's inner being tighten and sting.

"Riku, what did she say to you?" said boy snapped out his thoughts, realizing he was staring blankly at the ocean, and turned his attention back to the cinnamon haired boy. There was a seriousness in his voice that couldn't be ignored, and Riku glared at the sand beneath his feet. _Familiar_ sand beneath his feet.

"It's nothing," Riku gritted out, feeling the throbbing in his head. Everyone, everything, was so close, yet so far away. The sunset, the people, the ocean, the cave, they were all silently urging him to remember, and Riku was hitting his breaking point.

"Riku, stop lying, even though you don't remember I could always tell when your--"

"Guys!" Both of them snapped their heads forward in unison, watching an angered Kairi huff at them, hands on her hips. "Geeze, I've been calling you both for the last two minutes," she let out, and gestured to small house in front of them.

Suddenly Donald and Goody rushed out of the house, panting and trembling. And...They were both wearing...Dresses...Yep, frilly, pink, puffy dresses. Sora unknowingly burst out laughing, clamping his hand on his mouth when he saw the murderous stare he received from the girlied up pair.

"Sora! Tell that girl--" Donald pointed to the doorway, where Selphie was smiling innocently trying vainly to hide a pair of scissors and make-up kit, waving at the brunette. "That we are NOT her dress up dolls," Donald finished off, taking heavy breaths in and out, a vein pulsing dangerously in his forehead. Goofy nodded in agreement, panting as well.

Kairi giggled, scowling Selphie with a huge smile on her face. The brunette burst out laughing, throwing her materials to the house, and both of the girls giggled. Donald and Goofy were angrily yelling at them, the duck's hand thrashing around in the air threateningly, and there was a fiery of noise around the small group.

Sora calmed down his laughter, and turned back to say a joke to Riku when he saw him glaring at the group with such...Loathing? Anger? Irritation? Sora's eyebrows bunched up, and he walked over to the silver haired teen who hid in the shadow of the trees around them.

"Hey," Sora whispered, and tugged at Riku's sleeve, who in turn set his gaze on the brunette, his eyes softening a bit. "What's wrong?" Riku didn't acknowledge the question, and continued to glare hatefully at the group. Why...Why did he hate that they laughed together, that they talked so merrily, that they joked around so happily with Sora? Why...?

Riku grunted, raising his hand to his forehead, the throbbing turning sharper and sharper. The pain burned in his mind, and he saw images flash through his mind, so fast he could barely make out the people in them. It happened in a blur, the laughter in his head echoing, the voices broken and unclear, the feel painful and out of reach.

He vaguely felt Sora's tugging, his worried voice, and his blue, concerned eyes on him. Riku shoved himself away from Sora, running and heard the brunette's shouting, but it faded away, just like his memories. The pain in his head, it was increasing, and he realized he had passed his breaking point.

The teen panted for air, stopping at the beach, leaning against a boulder, arm layered on the rock in a mirrored 'L' shape. He placed his head on his arm, hissing as the stinging increased, as the voices grew louder, the images clearer, the emotions stronger. Riku was sweating, letting out tiny whimpers, and gritting his teeth with all his force when finally the pain abruptly stopped, and he let out a gasp as relief flooded his body.

The silver haired teen let breaths in and out, calming his body. He heard footsteps approaching him, but ignored it for the moment, relishing in the pure feeling of sanity, beautiful beautiful sanity.

"I warned you, didn't I?" Riku snapped his head up, and turned around stiffly to see the girl clad in the black Organization coat, smiling coldly. Riku growled softly, his hands fisting by his sides.

"_Trying to find the lost will only agonize you_," she repeated the words from earlier, and folded her arms on her chest. The heartless teen let out a tiny laugh, before sighing, touching her hand to her forehead. It seemed like she was in pain too, but she was better at concealing it.

"You're giving me a head ache, Riku, so just give it a rest." Before Riku could respond a certain running brunette came into view, and the girl smiled slightly, and tilted her head to the side while pointing her slack figure at the boy. Riku's eyes bunched up in confusion before following where she was pointing at, and he unknowingly let out a smile at the approaching teen.

"Sora--" they both chanted together, and the similar teens turned their heads around to look at each other strangely. Riku opened his mouth, maybe to comment maybe question, but the girl's smile stopped him cold, because this one held a hidden meaning, and she only continued to grin before strutting over to Sora.

The boy was gasping, panting, and resting his hands on his bent knees, his head bowed.

"When did you get so fast," Sora rasped, tilting his head up. He frowned slightly when he saw the nobody looking down at him with a smile. It was hard not to believe it was sincere.

"What are you doing here?" The brunette let out, and straightened his posture. He glared at her slightly, and she waved her hand in the air.

"I'm just making sure little Riku here is in good health. No need to be so suspicious, Sora," she scowlded lightly, but her smirk died it down. Suddenly, her playful eyes turned serious, and her glared intensified on Sora who shrinked back.

"Uhhh...who said I was...suspicious?" The brunette let out, furrowing his eyebrows as the girl's gaze pierced him, and he backed up carefully. The teen let out another smile before walking away in quick smooth steps.

By the time Sora pried his gaze away from the female Riku was already moving forward, his head bowed and his face shadowed. Sora opened his mouth to say something, he forgot what, but he decided to close it shut without a sound as he was both of them walk away like twin shadows fading in the distance.

It wasn't going to be a very happy day.


End file.
